To my inner child:
I know that you’re afraid
And I know it’s really hard
But I’m going to take care of you now
I want you to know that we have each other
I know it’s really scary sometimes
Especially when you think you need someone else
And when it feels as though you’re being abandoned all over again
But I’m going to take care of you now
You know, I’m curious about something…
What can I do to help right now?
If you like, you can let me know
We could do some nice, relaxing breathing
To help slow things down and gradually feel calmer
And you’ll soon see that everything is going to be okay
We could have a really soothing cup of tea
So that you feel warm, cosy and safe
If you like, I can massage your feet
So that you feel nurtured and cared for
We could go for a nice relaxing walk
And I’ll be with you every step of the way
If you feel like some inspiration
We could listen to a beautiful song
Or watch an amazing video
We can really do whatever you want
Because I’m here for you now
And I’m going to take care of you
You know, I really care about you
Because I know what you’ve been through
And I know how hard it was to face all of those things alone
Things that no child should ever have to go through
But I’m here for you now
And I’m going to take care of you
You know, I’m really glad I am here
Not only am I here for you now
But I will always be here for you
It’s actually the main reason I am here on Earth
To be here with you
To be here for you
And to take care of you
Especially in moments like this
There’s so much that we can do together in life
But everything starts with me being here for you
Being here to do whatever I can for you
Other people may come and go
But whatever happens I’m always going to be here for you
Because I never want you to feel alone like that again
And I never want you to feel afraid like that again
So I am just going to stay right here with you
No matter how long it takes
I’m here for you and I’m not going anywhere
And I’m going to take care of you
How to use this
The idea is to read this to yourself with sincere feeling every time you go through feelings of abandonment. Eventually, it should help reinforce a vital sense of being there for yourself and being able to connect with yourself. This should alleviate those feelings of abandonment and help fill the void abandonment creates with an increasing sense of love and care for yourself.
Reprogramming the abandonment schema may take many hundreds of readings but I believe it can work a bit like a self-hypnosis script. Perhaps those moments of feeling abandoned are some of the best times to speak to our inner child so that we can gradually shift that subconscious pattern.
Most people with childhood trauma desperately needed to hear certain words from their primary caregivers which they can now tell themselves. Figuring out what your inner child most needs to hear and telling yourself those words on a regular basis can be a very healing form of self-parenting which can help shift subconscious negative patterns and beliefs that may be holding you back in life.
The words someone needed to hear as a child are different for everyone. It may include words such as “I’m really proud of you”, “I see so much goodness in you”, “I really believe in your abilities” or “You’re such a lovely person”.
One of the saddest things about childhood trauma is that people often end up internalising what was done to them by their parents. For example, people who were neglected often end up neglecting themselves. People who were abandoned often end up abandoning themselves. People who were shamed often end up shaming themselves. This is why it’s vital to step in and reverse these patterns through conscious self-parenting.
Writing the words you always needed to hear and reading them to yourself on a regular basis is just one example of what you can do for your healing. It’s also good to figure out which actions you can take so that you feel loved and cared for in the way you most needed when you were younger.
Word! It’s hilarious when you realize that your entire personality is a trauma response ;). Thank you for posting your articles, they are exactly what i needed to hear/read in this moment. 🙏
You are helping me so so so much. Ive read your articles since about 2 years ago over and over again. You provide real practical self help methods that I resonate with. Thank you for all of this.
I’ve never read anything like this before. Thank you so much. I am a therapist and will see if my clients can also benefit.