Self-soothing speech for abandonment trauma

To my inner child:

I know that you’re afraid

And I know it’s really hard

But I’m going to take care of you now

I want you to know that we have each other

I know it’s really scary sometimes

Especially when you think you need someone else

And when it feels as though you’re being abandoned all over again

But I’m going to take care of you now

You know, I’m curious about something…

What can I do to help right now?

If you like, you can let me know

We could do some nice, relaxing breathing

To help slow things down and gradually feel calmer

And you’ll soon see that everything is going to be okay

We could have a really soothing cup of tea

So that you feel warm, cosy and safe

If you like, I can massage your feet

So that you feel nurtured and cared for

We could go for a nice relaxing walk

And I’ll be with you every step of the way

If you feel like some inspiration

We could listen to a beautiful song

Or watch an amazing video

We can really do whatever you want

Because I’m here for you now

And I’m going to take care of you

You know, I really care about you

Because I know what you’ve been through

And I know how hard it was to face all of those things alone

Things that no child should ever have to go through

But I’m here for you now 

And I’m going to take care of you

You know, I’m really glad I am here

Not only am I here for you now

But I will always be here for you

It’s actually the main reason I am here on Earth

To be here with you

To be here for you

And to take care of you

Especially in moments like this

There’s so much that we can do together in life

But everything starts with me being here for you

Being here to do whatever I can for you

Other people may come and go

But whatever happens I’m always going to be here for you

Because I never want you to feel alone like that again

And I never want you to feel afraid like that again

So I am just going to stay right here with you

No matter how long it takes

I’m here for you and I’m not going anywhere

And I’m going to take care of you

How to use this

The idea is to read this to yourself with sincere feeling every time you go through feelings of abandonment. Eventually, it should help reinforce a vital sense of being there for yourself and being able to connect with yourself. This should alleviate those feelings of abandonment and help fill the void abandonment creates with an increasing sense of love and care for yourself.

Reprogramming the abandonment schema may take many hundreds of readings but I believe it can work a bit like a self-hypnosis script. Perhaps those moments of feeling abandoned are some of the best times to speak to our inner child so that we can gradually shift that subconscious pattern.

Most people with childhood trauma desperately needed to hear certain words from their primary caregivers which they can now tell themselves. Figuring out what your inner child most needs to hear and telling yourself those words on a regular basis can be a very healing form of self-parenting which can help shift subconscious negative patterns and beliefs that may be holding you back in life.

The words someone needed to hear as a child are different for everyone. It may include words such as “I’m really proud of you”, “I see so much goodness in you”, “I really believe in your abilities” or “You’re such a lovely person”.

One of the saddest things about childhood trauma is that people often end up internalising what was done to them by their parents. For example, people who were neglected often end up neglecting themselves. People who were abandoned often end up abandoning themselves. People who were shamed often end up shaming themselves. This is why it’s vital to step in and reverse these patterns through conscious self-parenting.

Writing the words you always needed to hear and reading them to yourself on a regular basis is just one example of what you can do for your healing. It’s also good to figure out which actions you can take so that you feel loved and cared for in the way you most needed when you were younger.