This may sound silly but I’ve decided to start zapping my tongue with naked hot sauce every time I feel hungry or lonely. The long-term aim would be to overcome all physical and mental neediness, thereby achieving spiritual enlightenment.
Hot sauce works as an appetite suppressant and it can also help snap you out of your mind and into your body. I could always use an electric cattle prod instead but hot sauce delivers just the right combination of pain and pleasure.
In reality, I’m still likely to use food as a way of coping emotionally but this will be another trick I can use to delay gratification and overcome impulse control, at very least allowing me to avoid comfort eating until I run out of other options.
Losing weight would be the main advantage. I’ve been overeating for a while now and may soon be in a position to consider an exciting new career as a sumo wrestler so I’ve decided to try all of the following solutions: going for more brisk walks, drinking more water, reducing meal portions, eating slowly and mindfully, using a tiny sugar-free sweet or gum after each meal to trick my mind into thinking I’m still eating, banning snacking, eating only within a seven hour window and delaying eating till at least mid-day everyday.
However, I’m also going to zap myself with hot sauce on a regular basis. I think this could be the real the game changer but it’s not just for dieting. It’s all about escaping the cycle of rebirth and death to attain nirvana now.
No doubt one day, like the Buddha, I shall meditate under the Bodhi tree until I reach a state of complete self-transcendence. When that day comes and a lowly acolyte turns to me and asks “Master, what is the secret of enlightenment?” I will simply answer “hot sauce”.